Living Dangerously Through Spiritual Bypassing

Have you heard of spiritual bypassing? It is something we ALL do at one time or another and it's not a helpful habit to develop.

Imagine this: you are feeling a little down because of a difficult relationship but don’t want to deal with any uncomfortable feelings right now. Instead, you listen to your favorite podcast about having a positive mindset.

This is a simple example of spiritual bypassing.

John Welwood was a psychotherapist and author in the transpersonal psychology field who developed the term, spiritual bypassing after he noticed others using spiritual ideas and practices to avoid unresolved issues.

Oregon Coast ©Kendra Meador

“Spiritual bypassing is a “tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep personal, emotional ‘unfinished business,’ to shore up a shaky sense of self, or to belittle basic needs, feelings, and developmental tasks.”

-John Welwood from the article On Spiritual Bypassing and Relationship

In other words, we use spiritual bypassing to avoid the true inner work needed to become mentally, emotionally, and spiritually healthy. It’s when we use our spiritual practices to ignore personal growth. This applies to anyone whether you are religious or not.

The Reason We Spiritual Bypass

Let’s be entirely truthful here, we frequently find ways to avoid healing major wounds within ourselves because it’s safer and less complicated. Here are some reasons we spiritually bypass:

• It’s easier than doing the difficult work of facing our issues

• It is a defense mechanism - a way to protect ourselves from pain

• We tend to look for a quick fix and are impatient for growth

• It’s uncomfortable to sit with our negative emotions

Signs of Spiritual Bypassing

There are many ways we might spiritual bypass and most of the time it shows up as checking out, rather than dealing with the real problem. Sometimes we aren’t aware that we are pushing our emotions away because it has become an ingrained habit.

Common ways of spiritual bypassing:

• Emotional numbing & repression

• False positivity - over-emphasis on the positive

• Blind compassion or overly tolerant

• Weak boundaries - it’s difficult to tell others no

• Cognitive intelligence is far ahead of emotional or moral intelligence

• Devaluing certain emotions, especially the ones labeled as “bad emotions”

• Using your sensitivities as an excuse - “I’m too sensitive to handle that.”

• Projecting your triggers - blaming others for your feelings

• Hiding behind a mask - you don’t show how you truly feel

We focus more on techniques and practices - rather than the deep work required to heal. Pronouncing “keep calm and carry on”, or “only positive vibes allowed” are often used as a method of bypassing.

The negative results of spiritual bypassing

It may feel good to push our “negative” emotions away, but in reality, it allows the emotions and feelings to worsen over time. It impairs our relationships with others, and more importantly, our relationship with ourselves.

By spiritually bypassing we are hurting our potential to live an engaging and full life. One that could be deprived of compassion, self-love, and connection.

The Best Course of Action

Instead of denying our true feelings, take a moment to ponder what is really going on and why you’re feeling this way. There are no good or bad emotions, we experience them for valid reasons. Accept your feelings with compassion and in a non-judgmental way.

Incorporating spiritual practices into your life is not the culprit (spiritual practices ARE an essential component of wellness), it is when you use that spiritual practice to cover up the concern and don’t effectively manage the underlying issue.

Don’t be afraid to see a therapist or counselor to deal with difficult problems, some things require more assistance and professional help is a logical option. Not dealing with our “demons”, also known as shadows, only allows them to gain strength and hold more power over us.

References:

On Spiritual Bypassing and Relationship by John Elwood

Spiritual Bypassing: When Spirituality Disconnects Us from What Really Matters by Robert Augustus Masters